Helping When You Hate

Woke up this morning and the (coffee maker "must clean" this damn thing is on) right?

Great.. I just want coffee. Not go through a round of multiple cleanings first.

So a brilliant idea pops into my head.

"When you walk Hazen to the bus stop, go get coffee around the corner fast food joint".

Yay, problem solved.. And delay the coffee maker cleaning to boot.

After breakfast and my beloved coffee, I head out the door.

On the sidewalk I see this dude who looks homeless.

I'm thinking, I should've walked the other way around like I first suggested to myself, but it's too late now.

I walk by this guy and say "how's it goin?" WRONG QUESTION..

Because he speedily answers back with "could be better if I had somethin' to eat".

CRAP!

I turn and look at this dude with the same look I give just before I punch you in the face and say.. "I don't have any cash on me.."

Then he says "don't need no cash just need a burrito".

I'm like.. Really?

So I'm standing there looking at him and looking back at the door that I just came out of.

I look at him again with the I'm gonna punch you in the face look and about face into the building that I just left.

He follows me in and I'm like, man - I really don't wanna do this right now.

I get up to the cashier and she notices me from earlier on.. "can I help you sir?"

"Can I get a burrito like I did earlier" I asked.

"Sure" she said, while looking at me and the half drunk dude behind me.

I can hear his smell and some mumbling about some coupon he's got in his pocket.

I tell em' "it's cool, don't need the coupon".

She hands me back my card and thanks me, then looks at me like "gee you're a really good guy".

Even though I didn't feel like it at that moment. I'm always sure that things happen for a reason.

I tell her (to "just give it to him", as she keeps looking at me like that) - when I turn around.

He tells me "God bless you brother" as I hand him the receipt.

I said "you too" and quickly head for the door.

Now I don't know what to make of anything until later on in life. Because I tend to shoot first and ask questions later.

But I do know that I just did another thing on the list that equates to..

1. Waking up early for a job, that you hate going to
2. Saying thank you after some really shitty service
3. Doing nothing, when people cut you off on the road

Either way, I guess, it's supposed to make you feel good or whatever.

To be honest, I'm just glad it's over and if I burn in hell for not feeling grateful about it.

Then I'll visit you in your heaven from my hell when that day comes.. ;-)

My Brother Daniel

It's 1975 and we've already gave him a name.

I've already prepared myself for the coming of my long awaited baby brother.

Thoughts of playing together and growing up, rehearsed through my mind.

Then the day came to pick him up with my mother from the hospital.

And as my mom rolled up in a wheelchair, she looked different.

I took a step back, as my dad motioned and said to me, to "go see your mom".

I went to her and asked where's Daniel?

The tears rolling down her face spoke more than a thousand words.

And I knew that I would probably grow up alone.

So yeah..

My heart gets heavy every time I hear the song Daniel by Elton John.

And even though I bank on the forever after.

Memories of loss never seem to go away