|July 2013 Golden Valley, Arizona|
It was the day that his mom Mary, wanted us to see the house she rented in the mountains and we drove up separately to go see it.
As she introduced me to the house, she mentioned that she and Hazen could take the upstairs room, while I took the downstairs room and I could put my drum set somewhere in the living room.
We had been sleeping in separate rooms for a couple of months since I told her of my infidelities and addiction to meth. As Hazen played in the house we go out back for a smoke.
She turns to me and says "you shouldn't treat people like that man". Tears well up as I tell her that "I know" and don't remember if I apologized or not.
After the smoke I said that I'd meet her down the hill to figure out what stuff we were gonna start moving.
I'm alone in the empty house and light up a bowl of herb. I look out the back door window and scream FUUUUUUUCCCKK! Because I knew that I regrettably betrayed someone that I truly loved and she should have never deserved that from me at all.
I lock up the house and head down the hill. As I'm headed towards the last big turn I see above the horizon and wonder how all this pain could be over by launching that little white Neon and instantly disappear.
I step on the gas and as soon as I did, I heard his little voice. My son's five year old voice said "I love you daddy".
I let up on the gas as tears roll down my face. Making the turn I head back home..
Pulling up to the pump to get some gas I jump out and begin the wait to fill up my Ram 1500.
I look in the cab at Hazen with tears welled up in his eyes and I knew that my son really does love his daddy.